But with innovation such as this, there is a dark side that has surfaced.  Cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking have become all too real phenomenons in our society.

For fans of Big Brother this has become more and more evident over the past several seasons.  The inability by some fans who we refer to as “cat-ladies” (meaning haters) to separate the game they see on television from real life has evolved, by some, into the realms of cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking.

Of course the latest case of this was the recent incidents involving Big Brother houseguest Shelly Moore when some crazed, psychotic fans took it upon themselves to create web sites, message board posts and campaigns to intimidate and threaten her family.  These threats were serious enough that the FBI became involved.  Shelly has made it clear in her post-house interviews that she is not able to go into many details about what was done by law enforcement but we, like most Big Brother fans were relieved to hear her report that things have settled down and that she and her family are safe.  What really impressed us was the fact that Shelly handled the whole situation with grace and class further putting to shame those who participated by comparison.  It was also good to hear that the show also became involved in assuring that Shelly’s family were taken care of and safe during the height of the lunatics rants and threats.  We as fans don’t have to know everything and we shouldn’t.  Just the fact that all seems to be well now makes us happy.

Shelly has not been the only one victimized by the crazies of the Big Brother world.  Other examples include the fact that Ronnie’s wife was threatened to be killed, Natalie’s father had letters sent to his place of employment trying to get him fired for what some loonies thought were poor play by her in the house, and letters written to Dan’s school attempting to get him fired for, get this, being a poor example of a teacher for drinking beer from a paper cup on the show.  People who do these things have problems and issues that go beyond being just a passionate fan of the show.  It indicates instead a deep-rooted problem in their psyche that needs professional help in our opinions.  Not only that we would say that while these cowards like to sit in their darkened rooms and type to the glow of their monitors their demented posts, we wonder how funny they think they are when law enforcement pays a visit to their front doors?  Not so much we’d be willing to guess, and with the problem of cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking growing, we expect to see more and more involvement by law enforcement in the future.

So now let’s move on to some information and hopefully some helpful tips.  To begin, we want to show the definitions for cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking as they are in fact somewhat different.

Cyber-bullying is the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner. The term “cyber-bullying” was first coined and defined by Bill Belsey, as “the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others.”

Cyber-stalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization. It may include false accusations, monitoring, making threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sex, or gathering information in order to harass. The definition of “harassment” must meet the criterion that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.

Profile

Preliminary work by Leroy McFarlane and Paul Bocij has identified four types of cyber-stalkers:

1. the vindictive cyber-stalkers noted for the ferocity of their attacks;
2. the composed cyber-stalker whose motive is to annoy;
3. the intimate cyber-stalker who attempts to form a relationship with the victim but turns on them if rebuffed; and
4. collective cyber-stalkers, groups with motive.

According to Antonio Chacón Medina (“A new face of the Internet: stalking”), the general profile of the harasser is cold, with little or no respect for others. The stalker is a predator who can wait patiently until vulnerable victims appear, such as women or children, or may enjoy pursuing a particular person, whether personally familiar to them or unknown. The harasser enjoys and demonstrates their power to pursue and psychologically damage the victim.

What To Do

If you are a Victim of Cyber-stalking

• Victims who are under the age of 18 should tell their parents or another adult they trust about any harassment and/or threats.
• Experts suggest that in cases where the offender is known, victims should send the stalker a clear written warning. Specifically, victims should communicate that the contact is unwanted, and ask the perpetrator to cease sending communications of any kind. Victims should do this only once. Then, no matter the response, victims should under no circumstances ever communicate with the stalker again. Victims should save copies of this communication in both electronic and hard copy form.
• If the harassment continues, the victim may wish to file a complaint with the stalker’s Internet service provider, as well as with their own service provider. Many Internet service providers offer tools that filter or block communications from specific individuals.
• As soon as individuals suspect they are victims of online harassment or cyber-stalking, they should start collecting all evidence and document all contact made by the stalker. Save all e-mail, postings, or other communications in both electronic and hard-copy form. If possible, save all of the header information from e-mails and newsgroup postings. Record the dates and times of any contact with the stalker.
• Victims may also want to start a log of each communication explaining the situation in more detail. Victims may want to document how the harassment is affecting their lives and what steps they have taken to stop the harassment.
• Victims may want to file a report with local law enforcement or contact their local prosecutor’s office to see what charges, if any, can be pursued. Victims should save copies of police reports and record all contact with law enforcement officials and the prosecutor’s office.
• Victims who are being continually harassed may want to consider changing their e-mail address, Internet service provider, a home phone number, and should examine the possibility of using encryption software or privacy protection programs. Any local computer store can offer a variety of protective software, options and suggestions. Victims may also want to learn how to use the filtering capabilities of email programs to block e-mails from certain addresses.
• Furthermore, victims should contact online directory listings such as www.four11.com, www.switchboard.com, and www.whowhere.com to request removal from their directory.
• Finally, under no circumstances should victims agree to meet with the perpetrator face to face to “work it out,” or “talk.” No contact should ever be made with the stalker. Meeting a stalker in person can be very dangerous.

We would add to this list that dependent on the level of threat, a person should immediately contact their local law enforcement for advice, direction and their potential involvement.  Cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking are crimes, make no mistake about it.

Additionally, to report Facebook cyber-bullying and cyber-stalking, click here.  Report Facebook Violations

This is only the tip of the iceberg that we presented here.  Having access to the Internet means you are empowered to find out more information on your own as to what to do about these crimes in your local areas and we at CLG encourage people to become involved with stopping this disturbing pattern of behavior.

We also want to thank Shelly Moore personally who inspired us to write this blog post.  While it may not be much it’s meant to show that we care about her, her family and all those houseguests who decide to give up a few months of their lives to entertain us.  The should not be victimized for their stint on a reality television show.  Actually, no one should.

We at CatLady Gazette are always happy when its over.  The last time we were truly excited about the game was season 10 when there was enough drama, comedy, gamesmanship and competitiveness to last throughout the course of the game.  Hopefully, Big Brother will find that recipe again.  We will hope.

Congratulations to Rachel for being crowned this year’s winner.  Talk about someone who underwent a metamorphosis!  During season 12, the cat-ladies absolutely loathed Rachel.  She was the victim of their undying hatred mostly due to the fact that she was fighting against their chosen favorite (and their Jordan replacement) Britney.  However, this season that all changed.  As soon as she aligned with JeJo and seemed to loyal, and more importantly, working towards making one of them the winner, she received all the sugar-coated love the cat-ladies could muster.  That was okay with us because you see, we didn’t mind if Rachel won the game either.  We believe she earned the victory through winning competitions and an improved social game and ultimately was the only logical person to claim to have played the best game.  Porsche was a close second.  Adam and Jordan?  Well, in our opinion they shouldn’t have been on the show to begin with but we’ve made that abundantly clear.  Rachel played a much smarter game and we also agree that she plays the game better when left on her own.  The laughable part of this is Jeff and Jordan’s claim that they had somehow made Rachel a “better person.”  Give us a break.  They need to focus on themselves before they turn their attention to others.  They had nothing to do with Rachel being Rachel and if you think they did, then you ARE a cat-lady.

Without question, our favorite episode of Big Brother 13 was the double-eviction night.  OMG OMG OMG, that was hilarious.  For the big bad-ass, suburban wise-guy competitor to be ousted by two “lesser” players, Kalia and Porsche (in his opinion) and by clown shoes, “C’MON!,” was priceless.  Jeff who continually complained that real competitors should win Big Brother was nothing more than a bitter, bullying, sore loser who carried his anger even in to the jury house.  Anyone who can’t see the irony and humor in this situation is without question, a cat-lady.  The fact that he complained also that he wasn’t even given a “chance” to prepare for the double-eviction is doubly sweet in our opinion.  We wonder if he had those same thoughts when given a bogus power during his first season to oust Jessie?  No?  At least Jeff had the chance to compete and save himself.  He lost fair and square.  Man-up Jeff.  You got got.  You’ve been okey-doked.  Actually, you just suck, lost, whined, bitched and moaned.  Hilarious.  Buh-bye!

Hopefully you won’t be back.  We’re overly tired of you.

Which brings us now to our final thoughts on the game and the cat-ladies.

We will be the first to admit that we have been very hard on Jeff and Jordan this season.  This is not only for their own behavior (entitled, bullying, bigoted, whining, complaining, non-game-play bitchy ways) in the house, but because of their die-hard sanctimonious cat-lady fans.  Or should we say, fanatics?

However, here, one more time is the difference between you and us.  We would NEVER try to invade on those houseguests lives who we didn’t like during their seasons.  We won’t post on their Facebook pages, we won’t follow them on twitter, we won’t call and write their bosses or loved ones.  They are now out of our lives and more than likely, after tonight’s final episode, we won’t even think of them again.  They’re history.  You on the other hand will hold on to your hate for weeks, months and years.  As you did in the case of Shelly this season, you may bring your frenzied hatred to new levels that boarder on psychotic.   You will stalk them on twitter and Facebook to continually remind them how much you hate them.  You will make evil, disgusting hate posts on your protected message boards much to the glee of those who think like you.  You will never understand or own the fact that you neither know these people and will probably never meet them in real life.  To you, Big Brother, the reality show, is real life.  You are a strange breed those of you who justify your existence with an all-consuming hatred of reality television personalities.  Take our advice and get off the sofa, put down the snacks, and go outside for some fresh air and exercise.  You may discover there is more to the world than what exists inside that electronic box in your basement.  Just remember the words of Eric Hoffer and if this fits you, you are probably a cat-lady: “Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.”  Well, yeah.  Maybe that’s all you’ve got.

So until next season we wish you all well, including all the houseguests who made up this year’s cast.  We look forward to the next season where hopefully the game will once again become the primary focus rather than a manipulated show designed to appease the cat-ladies of the world.  Big Brother’s real fans deserve that much at least. Give it to us CBS!

Meow!

Well, that was fun.  But now let’s turn our attention to who we really think deserves to be on the next version of Big Brother All-Stars. (Sadly for you JeJo cat-lady fans, you will be disappointed as we do not believe either of them warrant a shot at All-Stars.  Why?  Easy.  They both suck.  See how that works?).

Our selections were made carefully and unfortunately, since we decided we could only pick fourteen houseguests, we used several factors.  Our number one criteria was entertainment value.  We believe we chose people based on multiple things they had done during their seasons that warranted us wanting to see them in the game again.  Secondarily, we tried to think of scenarios on alliances.  Our picks could go several different ways in making alliances and we believe there would be smaller alliances instead of a huge house split from the beginning, again, leading to a more entertaining season.  If we were stuck in our choice, then the tried and true method of tequila shots seemed to help.

Now, take a look at THIS memory wall for Big Brother All-Stars.  We said LOOK AT IT!

Did you look?  We said, DID YOU LOOK?  What an awesome cast this would be.  Funny, entertaining, witty, devious.  That’s what we want.  No stupid twists to give someone an unfair advantage.  Just strategy, competition wins, and social game should be the ultimate determining factors in who eventually wins.  Okay, we’ll allow a twist or two.  But, with the premise that if they are potential game changing twists, all the houseguests should have a fair chance to compete in some way to obtain it.  Forget about “America’s Choice.”  We’ve proven we can’t be trusted with that responsibility!

So here, again is our All-Stars list and a brief reason why we chose these former houseguests:

Jun – we want to see that same humor and snakiness she uses on Twitter to work her way through the game.

EvelDick – Had to leave BB13 early.  Bring him back, let him play his own game!

Ronnie – Absolutely deserves to be there.  Smarter, stronger, faster Ronnie!

Dani – A real gamer.  We love the attitude and competitiveness.  Should have won BB13.

James – We expect him to dominate competitions & begin his own version of pajamajam.

Michelle – the Portuguese Princess from Providence!  Hilariously funny.  Added bonus: Pillow forts.

Eric – Give him a chance without that stupid America’s Choice albatross around his neck.

Shelly – May still be playing if not for the rigged Pandora’s Box twist.  Turn her loose on a new crop.

Dan – Dan IS “The Man.”  As sly as they come, he will make everyone raise their games.

Matt – Just don’t give him a Diamond Power of Veto, or a Kathy and he’ll stick around longer.

Rachel – Without Brendon she’s proven herself to have a better social game. Let her do her own thinking!

Jessie – The man, the myth, the legend.  Can we please give the guy a chance WITHOUT twists designed to get him out?

Danielle – Ding Dong Dani who had one of the best moments in Big Brother history.  She’ll be smarter with her goodbye messages this time around.

Chelsia – Will play a smarter, more mature game.  Watch out, she may take the whole thing!

Those are our picks.  We wish we could have chosen more but again, we limited ourselves to fourteen players.  For those of you who are irate over our picks all we can say is … so what?  Make your own list dammit!  Ours will still be better than yours so neener neener poopy heads, take that!

Cat-ladies, get your score sheets ready.  We’re quite certain you have already penciled in those you are going to hate.  The best part of this cast is that all of them will just point at you and laugh.

Meow!

As another season is winding down, we wanted to take a few minutes and share what we think has gone wrong and what we believe could help make the show what it once was, or perhaps even better.  Cat-ladies please be forewarned:  This list does not contain the phrase, “The return of JeJo.”  If we were to add them at all, we’d ask clearly for them to never be on the Big Brother screen again as they are in large part representative of what is now broken with the show. Now shoo.  Adults are talking.

• Get rid of game randomly selected twists that take away a player’s fair chance at winning the grand prize.  Over the past several seasons, arbitrary twists have been introduced into the game that appear to be put into place for the sole purpose of assisting those perceived to be fan favorites (for ratings).  This is an unfair practice to those players who have their game play damaged, up to and including eviction for nothing they did in the game to earn such an outcome.  Some recent examples of players who immediately come to mind who were victims of this practice were Jessie, Chima and Shelly.
• Announce all twists to viewers at the beginning of the season and in what week they will occur.  Want to reduce fan claims of “rigging?”  That’s your solution.
• No more “fans vs. favorites.”  No more duo’s.  Big Brother should be an individual game.  Either give us a season of deserving All-Stars or a season of new players.
• Do not draw names out of a bag to select POV players.  Use a spinning wheel with houseguests name on them.  For too long there have been claims that producers only put players names in the bag they want to compete in that week’s competition.  Again, a spinning wheel will reduce claims of rigging.
• Show more of what goes on in the diary room on the feeds.  You want more subscribers?  Let’s have more entertaining feeds instead of four camera’s on one houseguest sleeping.
• Stop with the “golden edits.”  It’s well known that most viewers of the show are not live feed watchers.  To edit the show to put someone in a better personality light than they actually have proven themselves to be on the feeds is not right and unfairly sway’s America’s vote for favorite house guest.  Show people for who and what they are.  We understand your concern that some things a house guest says may be sensitive but you can bleep that out.  Eliminating it as if it never occurred makes viewers angrier.
• While on the subject of editing, please try to use correct timelines.  On numerous occasions editing is done to show events on the show out of sequence.  Again, this is a manipulative effort by production for nefarious reasons, usually in order to show one or two individuals in a better light by destroying the context of the events.
• Stop giving free passes to house guests who blatantly break rules (e.g., singing, talking about production, etc.).  Impose penalties such as:

1. 1st infraction: Warning.
2. 2nd Infraction:  3 days on slop.
3. 3rd Infraction:  Week on slop.
4. 4th Infraction:  Penalty nomination.

• Announce all competitions at the beginning of the season.  When will there be mental and physical comps?  Let’s stop tailoring comps to help certain players advance in the game at certain times.  Everyone deserves a fair shot.
• Better comps.  Wow, the retreads of the comps are getting old.  Taking a quick look at previous seasons there were some awesome competitions, both physical and mental.  It appears production has gotten lazy however and just pull out the same tired old games.
• Stop listening to the cat-ladies.  We realize they are a vocal group who like to write emails and make threats but they are small in comparison to your millions of viewers who want to see a fun, entertaining, fair game.  All of us love the drama caused by the pressure cooker that is the Big Brother house.  But we’ve also seen how a small segment of crazed “fans” can bring hate, bitterness and threats to unbelievable levels.  We saw Allison Grodner’s “tweet” asking these people to stop.  Good for her.  But that’s not enough.  Big Brother should openly discredit these people and acknowledge that while they do exist, they represent a small percentage of the viewers who love the show.

In the end, we are asking for CBS to give us back the Big Brother most of us loved to watch.  Stop trying to be the Bachelor/Bachelorette or Celebrity Rehab.  When you look through the list of former houseguests who have entertained us, you will find that they were rarely cat-lady favorites.  They even hated the legendary Dr. Will (although they will deny that fact today) during his season.

We get it.  Really, we do.  A network television show exists based on its ratings but you cannot convince us that the majority of Americans are crazy cat-ladies who want to watch a manipulated show where certain people are given advantages to succeed and “win” a half a million dollars.  At present, the word “win” should be replaced with “awarded.”   We sincerely believe that if you give viewers a fair game that requires a mixture of social skills, physical competition skills, and at times, mix in some devious behavior, the viewers will turn out to watch.  Stop being lazy by re-hatching the same old same old.  Keep the show fresh and making your casting people do their jobs by providing smart, witty, funny, clever contestants.

One more thing.  Whomever’s nephew was hired to run the live feed cameras?  Fire them.

We will offer up our list of who we think deserve to be on All-Stars at a later time realizing it’s only our opinion.  If nothing else CBS, trust us when we say the cat-ladies are not the fans you need to make happy.

Meow!

You will then band together and declare that JeJo deserve their own show, oblivious to the fact that Big Brother has already become that.

While we stand by our claim that the best players this season were Dani, Rachel and Porsche, we also know that in the end, you can’t fight city hall.  Ratings are everything in the television network game and you received what you demanded.  That’s all it really boils down to.  However, we  hold out hope that if CBS decides to do another season, we will get a real cast of new players, or, deserving All-Stars.  That list does not include JeJo because we’ve grown tired of the manipulated twists in the game.  However, be prepared.  If there is an All-Stars season of real players, JeJo will be shown up for what they are; self-entitled pathetic players and will most likely be out the door very quickly.

But let us get back to your message boards posts shall we?  Normally you wait a little longer before slamming previous season’s houseguests but we’ve noticed a trend that you are starting to mix them in to your crazed rants.  How many times do we need to remind you that when you do this, it proves you do not have the ability to truly comprehend reality and it shows you up for the people you are?  Pathetic haters.  Once again, when someone is on the show their fair game for snarky comments.  We get that.  But afterwards?  To carry that level of hatred around for people you don’t know and never will is sick.  Get help.

Your freakouts are in bold:

Porsche told the DR about the stench in the backyard.. Could she possibly be smelling herself??

That’s mighty bold talk from someone who probably hasn’t seen the inside of a shower since the season and feeds began.  You must be a new cat-lady.  This one is so lame it may keep from you attending the next cat-lady pot-luck Klan meeting.  Take heart however.  You will have plenty of coaches to help you find your way into their hell.  If this isn’t what you want, seek out an Exorcist immediately.  God go with you.

Ewww James is trash
UGH! I hate that slimy piece of garbage!

And here, ladies and gentlemen is our very first example of what it means to be a cat-lady.  This was posted in a thread about James Rhine, possibly one of the nicest former houseguests around.  He regularly speaks to fans on twitter and shares his insight about the show.  For you to reach into your bag of tricks and pull this crap out must mean you were having slow night with bashing Shelly, Dani, Kalia or Porsche.  Or maybe your vibrator batteries just went dead.  Regardless, if you want to talk about garbage, take a look at the Snicker’s wrappers under your bed and invest in a broom that will not only help you clean up that sty you live in but will offer you an affordable mode of transportation.

like Porsche hasn’t done coke, she’s probably done worse drugs!

Ummm, and you learned this where?  In a fucking seance? Seriously.  What’s wrong with you?

You seriously think being in a relationship with 2 other ppl is more damaging than using COCAINE?

Hey!  Where can we sign up for this?  Either one will be fine.

You say “relationship” like it’s a loving thing. It was a business deal. She’s a prostitute.

Porsche is a prostitute?  Wait!  We thought she used cocaine?  What’s the story here anyway?  But let’s be clear.  Because your hubby pays the bills to help take care of you and your 6 kids named Jeff, technically you are accepting money right?  You whore!

I don’t think the term “relationship” should be used when one is talking about paid sex.

Do you think at all?  Do you think unicorns are better than rainbows or are they equal in your eyes?  So, when Jeff hooks up with Jordan who has won a lot of money, does that make him a gigolo?  That’s cool.  We may have more respect for him now because we didn’t quite get it before.

Again, J didn’t “use” cocaine, she tried. P was in 3-way for gifts & money. 

What gifts did she receive?  A toaster oven?  A washer and dryer?  Or did she trade sex for what is behind curtain 3?  You people have peaked our interest with this thread of yours!

Really? I didn’t know having sex with two people could kill you!

Well, if one or more is a cannibal, it might.  Or a serial killer.  Or cat-ladies if they fall on you.

Ever hear of Aids? Did she say she practices safe sex with all her partners?

Oooh! Oooh!  We did!  We’ve heard of it!  Did we win a toaster oven too?  You seem pretty obsessed with Porsche’s sex life which is usually and indication of someone desperately needing to get laid.  Be sure to use protection.  Not only to protect yourself, but the gene pool in general.

Chima’s a F*CKING loser who quit because she didn’t get her way. Not surprising!!

Are you serious?  Seriously serious?  You have to reach back to Chima to level some of your misguided hate upon?  Good grief.  We’ve explained this before.  Chima is a wonderful, articulate, smart, funny and delightful person.  The fact she was highly upset over a manipulated twist that denied her a fair chance at winning half a million dollars is something a lot of people would lose their cool over.  If you’re going to judge a person’s entire life by one bad moment, stop and think of some of the shit you’ve done in your life first.  Or not.  It doesn’t matter.  You’ve already shown yourself up for the type of individual you are.  Do you ever creep yourself out?  Just wondering.

Once again, we could go on for days and days with these types of cat-lady posts.  In the end, they only depress us about the state of public education in this country and the fact that these people are raising children to think as they do.  A whole new generation of people who hate for no reason in particular is just around the corner.  Congratulations cat-ladies.  Your legacy will live on.

Meow!

Which clown did Jeff in?  We choose Bozo, as is appropriate.

The funniest moment for us was Jeff’s insistence that he lost the game because of a clown shoe.  “Come on!,” he cried to no one listening.  In fact, he sucked at that competition, threw the clown shoe out of the bin himself, did not save himself, and thus has no one to blame but himself.  Had he won, we’re quite certain he would be touting his awesome ability to win competitions.  We suspect that Jeff had a few choice words for Dani and perhaps Brendon but those were sadly edited out of the show.  You know, much like all of his bigoted remarks the two seasons he was on.  Stay golden Jeff.

Then, we had Shelly’s eviction speech.  Most of her cat-lady haters claimed this was nothing more than a last-minute, pathetic attempt to save herself.  Um, wait.  Since when did trying to save yourself from eviction become “pathetic?”  Most houseguests go into a death sleep, and when that happens, cat-ladies are irate that they just gave up.  One of the things we admired most about Shelly was that she fought to stay until the bitter end.  Also, spin it any way you’d like, her “last-minute effort” almost swayed Rachel and possibly Jordan, who in reality probably didn’t know what she was voting for anyway.

Depending on your definition of what a floater is, and most tend to think that means someone who hasn’t done much in the way of gameplay or more precisely, winning competitions, then you should start searching the channels for another show to watch because unless Rachel or Porsche are in the Final 2, a floater has a good chance to walk away with the win this year.  Actually, we said week one, when we saw JeJo walk into the house, that CBS would do everything within their power to see to it that one of them won the game.  Jeff did what Jeff does best.  Regardless of all the help he received, he still screwed up.  Jordan?  We can already hear the cries of the cat-ladies suddenly proclaiming, “If she won the game, she deserved to win! She was great!  We love her!  Everyone else were pieces of shit anyway! She’s the only one who Jesus loves!  She’s one of the “good people!”  Just like us!  She’s just like us!  Yay!  We like cookies too!  We love her!  OMG OMG!  She is the best!  OMG! ::gasp::: Henry!  Bring me some brownies!”

As far as the game of Big Brother goes, our opinion is that there have never been two worse players than Jordan and Adam.  No one even close.  The fact Jordan may win for a second time is not proof of her gaming skills.  It’s simply proof that CBS has made Big Brother into a fraud of a game to satisfy their most vocal cat-lady fans and that is indeed, pathetic.  End of story.

Our only hope for the season is that either Rachel or Porsche wins the game.  Even Kalia over Jordan or Adam.  But given the fact that Porsche and Kalia are nominated, it seems inevitable one will be going home this week.  :::yawn::: Go figure.  Of course, Rachel may finally have a moment of clarity and realize that her biggest obstacle to actually winning the game and not getting a consolation prize is Jordan and so something funky to get her out.  We’re not counting on it however.

So let this fairy tale continue for a bit longer then put it in the file, “Why Did I Watch This Again?” Mercifully, it’s almost over.  There’s always hope for next year.  Just ask the Chicago Cubs.

Meow!

So let’s jump right in shall we?  We already know this is going to end bad for some of you but take heart, we’re starting our own email campaign directed towards casting for next season, and who will undoubtedly be so impressed with our selections, you will have all year to be excited about Big Brother 14.  We’ll share that list later.  Now, now, anticipation is half the fun!

Of the six remaining houseguests, we choose from last place to first place the following:

Last Place:  Pick ‘em.  Adam / Jordan

These two have played a similar game, if that’s what you want to call it.  We’ll give them each a point for sticking true to their alliance thus far, however, there wasn’t much strategy behind the choice to do that.  Both Adam and Jordan are in love with Jeff so it was pretty much a no-brainer who they were glued to.  We know you cult-like cat-ladies are screaming, “But Jordan played a great game and, and, and … she won stuff too!”  Yes, she did, if that’s what you want to call it.  She won a luxury competition by somehow connecting soap and something else to David Hasselhoff.  Now, our theory on that is that if someone holds their head in just the right position while turning towards the moon and farting, two brain cells will collide causing someone to spout out the words: David Hasselhoff!  Thus, Jordan won.  As far as the HOH comp goes, well … we all know that was thrown to her so you can spin however you wish but facts are facts.  Adam?  We don’t have much to say about Adam except throughout the game he seemed to be more worried about how he would be perceived by the fans of JeJo rather than trying to win.  He had multiple opportunities to make a move and regardless of how many times Jeff bullied or belittled him, he just looked at him with creepy admiration and said, “Please sir, may have another?”  Since we have chosen these two as the worst of the remaining houseguests, it only stands to reason that one of them will probably win.

3rd & 4th Place:  Pick ‘em. Kalia and Porsche

Again, very similar games.  They both receive points for being complicit in leading to the eventual downfall of hunka hunka burnin’ love Jeff and that in and of itself is something we will be grateful to them for, well forever.  Or until Survivor starts.  Kalia however may go down as making one of the dumbest game moves in Big Brother history when her ego inflated to the size of Adam’s head. She then tried to prove to the rest of the house that Dani was NOT running her HOH reign by nominating Lawon, seeing him evicted and bringing Brendon back into the game.  This genius essentially reversed all of Dani’s work in her previous HOH and to this day, she still doesn’t seem to understand the damage that did.  Nice move Brainiac.  She did slightly redeem herself, again, by winning HOH later in the game, nominating Jeff and casting the vote to evict him.  Too little too late.   Other than that, Kalia’s main strategy seemed to be to attempt to talk people to death.  She may still be successful because we know that there have been several times watching the feeds we wanted to jump off the roof.  (Calm down cat-ladies.  Stop cheering.  We’re sticking around so there!).  Porsche?  Porsche seemed, for most of the game, to be lost in a fog.  She pulled some immature pranks, like the great Benefibergate of 2011, but for the most part was a non-participant this season.   She did win the POV competition (which was awesome) and an HOH that Big Brother decided to negate with a stupid last-minute Pandora’s box twist to save Jordan (and make no mistake, that is exactly what happened), so it’s difficult for us to think she has played a consistent competitive and social game.  If she did win, we would have no problem with it however, and she certainly deserves it more than Adam or Jordan.

2nd Place:  Shelly

Well, she thought she was done but Teflon Shelly may have found a way to get out of being evicted on Thursday.  If she stays, it will largely be due to Rachel who is indeed a gamer and a competitor.  Shelly is universally hated by the cat-ladies has time and again proved that while she has not been able to win a competition, she has played a remarkable game of manipulation to make it this far.  Her role in evicting Jeff was one of the season’s biggest game moves.  Except for the crazed cat-ladies, those fans who truly understand the game saw this as a great move and one that potentially could help her win the game.  Once again, that was until the Pandora’s box twist that Big Brother thought necessary to introduce at the last moment knowing that Jordan was hopeless without a strong partner to carry her to the end.  As soon as that happened, multiple people on message boards and twitter typed, “Bye Shelly.”  But as of this morning, there is a glimmer of hope.  Rachel has been thinking and realizes that her best chance of winning the game is to get Jordan evicted, preferably by someone other than herself.  However, this could all backfire.  If somehow Jordan and Rachel were to be evicted and Shelly winds up in the Final 2, there is a good chance she will win.  To cat-ladies, that would be a horrific turn of events.  To us?  That would be justice and a good ending to a dismal season.  Also, it still won’t surprise us if she is evicted on Thursday but we believe others should have gone first.

Winner:  Rachel

She should win the game.  Based on competitions and strategy, Rachel has played the best game.  She even uncharacteristically developed a strong social game and has for the most part stayed true to her alliance, even though JeJo have plotted against her from week 2.  (Oh yeah, remember that cat-ladies?).  This has been quite a season for the lunatic cat-ladies hasn’t it?  Their hate has taken so many twists and turns they are having a difficult time keeping up with their Excel spreadsheets.  Regardless, Rachel has played the smartest game and has Shelly to thank for helping to get Jeff out.  Again, that was the biggest game changer because had that not happened, it was becoming increasingly obvious they were going to walk to the F2 together.  Rachel was hated by the cat-ladies and now she is loved by the cat-ladies (for sticking with and helping JeJo of course).  Fickle bitches.  Our only hope is that she sends Jordan packing and brings home the win.  That would be a great victory and some vindication for a production manipulated season.  Sweet baby Jesus!

Meow!